I bought a camcorder for 5 dollars yesterday and discovered tonight that I could watch an old hi8 tape on it. A July night in 2004 with my best friend, then boyfriend and a couple others in the second week of living in my first apartment. 

It got me thinking. Feeling nostalgic. 

I called my best friend, who I never see now. She didn't pick up, as it was 1am. I then called my exboyfriend, who now lives in Oakland. We talked for a few minutes and it cheered me.

I then grabbed my "nostalgia" box (its actually labeled that), and looked through it for a few minutes until I found a picture I hid away about a year ago.

I keep this box up in my closet, full of things I cant throw away, but dont want to look at more than once every 6 months. As I pulled this photograph out, I remembered the feeling it used to give me, then the feeling it produced that caused its banishment from my nightstand last June. 

Then I looked at it. 

I didn't feel nothing. It wasn't anything so dramatic. And honestly, feeling nothing upon viewing it would actually make me sad, because it isnt a meaningless photo. At one point it meant probably too much to me. But what it made me feel tonight was a feeling I was hoping to realise. A feeling I knew was in me somewhere, only unprepared to show itself. 

But I looked at that photograph and I felt thankful, without any sadness. 

Finally. 

I'm not going to get into it, but a broken heart is crippling. It takes a long time to heal one.

I had a dream last night that the person in this photograph contacted me and proceeded to berate me, to criticize my recent choices (or lack therof). I have not dreamt of this person in months, so this dream stood out and really made me think.

I am doing this for myself.

Everything.

I have complete control of my own life, and to point at outside sources as an excuse is a cop-out and so wrong.

Im here and this is life and this may sound cheesy, but the most important things always do.

I am healed. Time to get to work.

I think yesterday's ridiculousness may have actually helped. After a red bull and several cups of tea, I was alert enough to pinpoint a couple of easily solved problems:

1. I have been thinking that the only art I should do is clothing design. Not true. I used to paint all the time a few years ago. I used to make collages and sculptures and redecorate my room. There are SO MANY kinds of art. Why get down on myself for not doing something Im not inspired to do? DONT WORRY! I'm not giving up clothing design. I'm just taking a deep breath and reassessing my life as an artist.

2. I have been online way too much. I recently got internet at home: a blessing and a curse. I wake up, I get on Facebook, I check my email, I go on Myspace, I read Fark, I go on Facebook again, I waste so much time. The internet is a glorious thing, but everything in moderation! Good lord!

3. I haven't been watching live music. I used to all the time, but now that I work weekend nights, its hard to get to house shows before they end. I get so many ideas when I hear my friends play its crazy. I was reminded of this watching my best friend ALAK sing the other night.

Anyhow, I'm off to San Francisco to see Xiu Xiu and its going to be heaven spilling over with inspiration.

BED IN

There are, Im sure it is agreed upon by all artists, phases of extreme productivity and phases of...not so much.

It's 1:55 pm and Im still in bed, so you can guess which one I'm in. 

I have a headache because I haven't had coffee yet. 

It's sunny out, a breeze is blowing, its spring. 

My first thoughts on this are "what the fuck is wrong with me?"

But I'm trying a little experiment. I was chatting with a friend last night (while in pretty much the same position Im in right now) and trying to work out my lack of motivation and getting down on myself and then getting down myself for being down on  myself....and I typed to him:

"I could seriously lay in bed all day if I let myself"

And he wrote back "I have." 

And it sparked a little thought process in me. What if I stopped kicking myself while I'm down?

What if I just relax and let the spring breeze carry me wherever it may? 

(A little update if you're confused: I last wrote that I had no free time to work on anything. That was a little over two weeks ago. At the end of March, my work schedule became almost non-existent and I have had more free time than I know what to do with. I did go on my little trek to the woods. And I did a couple of drawings, but only a couple. I don't have a scanner presently though, so they will remain unseen in my notebook for the time being. )

So far the spring breeze has carried me nowhere. So I'm having this little inner battle with myself right now. How long can I actually lay here before I can't stand it any longer, and I have to start my day? My headache is getting worse and now I'm getting hungry. 

I am trying to find the part of my brain that overrides the "but I don't feel like it" thoughts.

Did I miss the motivation gene? I've definitely had periods of high productivity in the past. What was I doing differently?

2:16

I think its possible for me to actually get to a point where I could fall back asleep. 

Then will I have failed? Or will I have won, because the flipside of this coin is to give myself a break and not beat myself up about relaxing. Though..relaxing isn't quite the right word for this. I feel very uncomfortable and kind of crazy.

I don't know. I can't really think straight anymore. I need some caffeine.

2:23

I cant take this anymore. I'm getting up.

APPARENTLY IM FROM CHICAGO

A little blip about my show in New York.

"Some of my favorite garments of the night were; 1.) A silver multi ruffle satin tube dress by Sapphire Cordial. Her line included dazzling feminine pieces, with subtle colors."

-Keisha Buggs

boysandclothes.blogspot.com

I'm more than aware that it ridiculous for something like this to make me all excited, but it totally does. 

In other news, if you google Sapphire Cordial, it shows up on the little suggestions bar now. (Wooooo! 78, 300 results!)

But alas, if you google Jamaica Cole, the first three results are for Jamaican cole slaw.

No comment.

(IM IN THE MOOD FOR PARENTHESIS)

I seriously need more free time.

I have so many ideas and no time to create, photograph and post them! (Not that people are flocking to this blog by hundreds and demanding MORE MORE MORE, but as usual I am so much harder on myself than I should be... though I guess most people are.)

Good news, though! The days of crunch time 8 hour sewing frenzies are... well... continuing, but so very soon I shall be sewing my own designs again.

Every day I get more ideas. Its an interesting way to design. I usually design as I sketch, but this time its all cerebral, my thoughts creating shapes, and my blurry vision ("is that a..? Oh wait no. Where are my glasses?") suggesting things I would never have come up with if I had 20/20.

The rugs on the floor at work have inspired a sheer top with front tapestry detail, folds in curtains have made me embrace the idea of casual but floor length maxi dresses (and I haven't touched long skirts with a ten-foot pole in years), and oddly, I cant stop day dreaming about chiffon, a fabric that has up until now totally given me the creeps.

So Sapphire Cordial Spring/Summer 2010 (I know, it sounds so far away!) feels like it may be a departure for me from my usual satin satin satin (but really, I still can't get enough... there will likely still be a couple pieces).

Also, I'm straying from jewel tones in favor of earthy browns, soft creams, dusty greens and peachy pinks, and planning more separates, like sheer beachy cover ups, high waisted (of course) tulip skirts and short shorts, my personal take on the harem pants phenomenon, and even a bathing suit or two (!).

I have these amazing flowing chiffon scarves with hoods blowing in the desert wind in my imagination too.

***

I'm going on a mini vacation next week to the woods of my youth for inspiration, solace and mom time. I plan on having everything sketched and scanned by my return... finally something to show for all this talk!

xoxo

BUSY BUSY BEES

Its pretty hard to make time to be creative with two+ jobs. I haven't even had the energy to put thought into what I'm wearing since like...Valentine's Day. And I worked that night too, but the tips were good, maybe because I was wearing this:

Its amazing how much better I feel about my entire life if I try at all to not look like a complete slob. 

Ok, so the mini-dress is long sleeved and I think from the 70's, though it appears to have lost a few inches from the hem since then...I got it at Atelier (where you can buy Sapphire Cordial, if I haven't mentioned that..)

I know you can barely see them, but the shorts underneath are Velvet Leaf, Becky and Laura Carter's glorious all organic label...which I coincidentally work for. The kitschy goose necklace is from Bows and Arrows and the gold tassle situation is from Topshop in London last Valentine's. It seemed an appropriate day to bring it back into rotation. 

The hat is the Naik Fur one I'm alwayyyys wearing. The little Jessica McClintock-y (its not hers, actually) floral jacket underneath is one I've had forever and gotten endless "Did you make that"s ...and ruling over all is my roomate's amazing suede jacket (the fur collar is fake, incase you were wondering...I'm not sure why it matters though, since the jacket is suede and cows and leopards and rabbits and minks are all created equal.)

*Disclaimer: I didn't start this blog with the intention of chronicling the wearing of my own outfits which I didn't even make, but well....I guess I don't really have an explanation. 

I won't do it often. 

But once in a while, you just look in the mirror and get really excited about how you miraculously styled yourself. If you're still reading, you know what I'm talking about. 

There's an art to dressing, there really is.

Anyhow, I've been drawing a lot, which is nice. I was going to post a couple, but I haven't made it to a scanner yet, and cheap digital photos of pencil drawings don't really do them justice.

I'm dreaming up some awesome chiffon-hood-scarf-wrap creations. 

It shouldn't be long before I've got something to show for all these thoughts I'm thinking while at work.

PS: Despite how ridiculously busy I've been lately, I'm going to attempt to post more often. Starting.....now.

I NEED MORE TECHNOLOGY

Badly.

I should be able to roam the streets of Sacramento with a soundtrack in my heart. Well...there is one in my heart, I just cant actually hear it. And even if there is an amazing song stuck in my head, its usually just the chorus and I can't remember the rest. 

If only I had and ipod, I would be listening to "Bluish" by Animal Collective and "I Love the Valley O" by Xui Xiu on repeat. Forever. They both make my heart swell and my breath catch. 

I want to live inside an independent film with these on the soundtrack, along with some ambient vocals by my boyfriend Thom Yorke recorded especially for this purpose (Thom would totally do that for me, he's so thoughtful).

The film would have lots of long shots of me staring out windows. 

I'd be dressed in multi-layered multi-textured neutrals. Kinda like this:

Specifically, I'd be staring out the windows of trains, second-story apartments (on windy days with trees outside), through caravan curtains, and portholes. There would be no plot. 

Just glowing sounds and wide-eyed far away thoughts. 

I Luv the Valley OH - Xiu Xiu

TEXTURE

When I was at the MoMA, I was intrigued by sculptural details and wanted to touch everything. Instead I captured on my sad little camera a few things I wanted to recreate in fabric.

Mmmm delicious.

In other news, here are the first few pics I've gotten from my NYFC show.




I feel weird posting these right after a bunch of Lacroix pics...but whatever. I just need to photoshoot the rest of this stuff. These pics don't do the colors justice, especially the rust charmeuse satin minidress. You should see that fabric in person. Also, it has these sweet little golden buttons on the shoulders that you can't see at all. More pics to come!!

I'm so bummed I had to leave NY before actual fashion week. Not that I neccesarily would have been able to see any big shows..but just to be there an extra week would have made me feel fancy. I happened to be in London last year during fashion week. Complete accident, but I saw a show at Topshop the day before Valentine's day and I felt very glamorous.
Anyhow, to see what I missed I've been on style.com all morning.
As always, I fucking love everything Christian Lacroix touches.



Wowowowowwwwww.
These two from Zac Posen are super inspiring:

I love the difference between the tight gloves and voluminous sleeves. So romantic!

And oh my god I love this!!! The floral is so luxe and the sillhouette of the whole look is divinnneee. It makes me want to be all matchy-matchy, which usually just makes me think of old ladies and little girls.
Its funny, I'm so fashion-focused, but I look like such a ragamuffin most of the time. I feel like I'm always on the verge of getting my life under control, but I never can cross that threshold.
I only dress the way I want to when I'm on vacation.
Who am I trying to impress in Sacramento?
But in a way, it makes way more sense to make an effort in my home town than to dress to impress people I'll probably never see again, right? I don't know.
Anyway.
Givenchy is a label I've never really taken an interest in, but I happened to come accross this magnificence:

It makes me want to take this whole Egyptian-archeology theme one step further and dress my girls like mummies....hmmmm there might be a little wrapping involved...

It's nice to be finally keeping track of the transformation of ideas in my head. I usually just write little "note-to-self"s on scraps of paper and lose them.

DREAMS OF SPRING

Wishing for warmer weather has me dreaming up vacation clothes and designing my Spring/Summer '10 collection in my head, since I'm too busy right now to even pick up a pencil. Those wide-legged high-waisted green pants (see below) are still calling my name, and I think the 1930's will be a full blown inspiration this time around. Specifically 1930's/40's archeology digs in exotic locales. An expansion on last spring's not fully realized (in my opinion) "Transatlantic" collection.  I was having a hard time focusing and only ended up with 6 or 7 looks.

Whereas my focus a year ago was on luggage, modes of transport and Gibson Girls, this time around I'm thinking forward 20 to 30 years and more about the locations themselves.

What would be your ideal costume for this climate?

Mine would consist of pastel satins, flowing cooling cotton layers, mosquito netting and sweet silky cloche hats to keep the Sahara wind from blowing my curls all over the place.

But there is a wild card. I was recently romanced by the Golden Eagle Nomads photography series by John Delaney. A friend in New York introduced me to his work a couple of weeks ago, and the photos keep reappearing in my daydreams. I've always had a strange draw to the traditional costumes of Mongolia and Russia (though Russia might have to wait a season or two for me to tackle). 

Delaney's photographs are sharp and inspiring, and though fur and thick fabric doesn't make any sense for Spring/Summer, I enjoy bending boundaries. We'll see what happens with this in the mix. I certainly don't have any idea.

Just to clarify though, overall I'm thinking The English Patient. Not Indiana Jones.

To those who may not (and probably don't) know, Sapphire Cordial is a clothing label I (Jamaica Cole) started in 2006. Its been a long process of lack of motivation, lack of funds, apathy battles and enormous frustration to get to the point I'm at now, a place where Im focused and sick enough of working shit jobs for other people that Im willing to risk not making rent in order to devote all my time to material endeavors. 

SC is based in Sacramento, Ca. 

I've done a variety of fashion shows in the area in the last two years (Church of Satin, Magnum Opus in Spring 07 at the Library Galleria, Fashionably Live at Avalon, Mantra at Red Lion Inn, Threaded and Fashion Riot at Townhouse).

I just got back from my first out-of-Sac show with New York Fashion Connect in Manhattan as a pre-curser to NY Fashion Week.

Photos to come of that show soon. In the meantime, here are some pieces I showed there:

This dress is approx. a size 4, made of shantung satin with vintage buttons up the side of the bodice and its currently hanging in my room (which psssst: means its totally for sale)

I wore this outfit to LACMA a few days after the show with a vintage cashmere fur-collared cardigan and a Naik Fur hat and felt like Marlene Dietrich.

This is one of the most comfortable dresses in history. The back dips low and with it on you want to become a ballerina.

The star of the show. I am obsessed with grey and silver right now. And as always, with ruffles.

(Models are  Liz Liles and Jillian Oliver. Photos by Jesse Vasquez)

New York was bustling and full of flashing lights and snow flurries and I wish I could have stayed longer. I flew into LA briefly before coming home and used the opportunity to sport my own clothes, which I rarely do. (I plan to correct this promptly)

Stay tuned for much more reliable and regular updates...not just one every two years (see below...haha). 

PS: This blog started with dreams of being travel blog, since I always want to take photos when I travel. Problem is, I dont have much of a camera and I dont travel very much. Well, not nearly as much as I'd like. (I have some long lost photos of NOLA and the UK, but I dont see those going up anytime soon. Screw the past. Its onward and upward!

PSS: My plan is to trick some manner of investor into buying me a digital SLR, a garment manufacturing licence, a sunny second story workshop with hardwood floors and tons and tons of satin, wool and soft knits. Mmmmmmmm lovely to dream of.

I've been homeless again for 5 days. And I'm going crazy. I'm trying to force myself to keep it up and do it well, but its rough. I drive a lot. I wear the same clothes 3 days in a row. I still have no money which is totally my own fault because I'm only working 12 hours a week...what the hell have I been up to? I can't remember anything anymore in my old age. I had a depressing day. But I got some new cds. I'm listening to Tom Waits' Small Change right now. Hot. I think my dad's going to help me fix my car tomorrow. And get my cd player in...so somebody will be tempted to break into my car and steal it...again...

I've been getting mysterious whiffs of cologne for the past few days. And there's nobody near me. And I'm not wearing cologne. Is this like Dick Hallorann smelling oranges when he's about to have a psychic episode in the Shining? Am I about to be hit hard with the future? If I go into a trance and start speaking in tounges, somebody take notes.

So there was a gay rights activist scheduled to speak at a Placerville church today. Everytime something ever so slightly contoversal happens-once because peace & justice showed a documentary about a gay boyscout @ Cozmic -these assholes show up.

So they came today and stood at the corner of Main St. & Cedar Ravine. When I got off work, some friends of mine were making their own signs to protest the protesters. I joined them and we made a little history.




Not exactly a big leage peace rally, but I know Placerville thanked us from deep in her sweet hippie heart.

Work was loooooooong today. But I did finish two tops for this weekend. So I have 4 purses to sell and like...6 shirts or something. I gotta get on that shit. I'm really excited about selling in Sf--it will be a big milestone. I need to MAKE MORE STUFF, though. Fo sho. Maybe I should do that instead of writing on a blog that no one will see. But that's not why I'm doing it. I'm not going to even give anybody this address until I start traveling. Ok. Gonna sew now. Why am I so lazy? Sew lazy?

Last night I had a dream that three traveling dudes couchsurfed my house and wanted to do me a favor in exchange for letting them sleep there. So I said, "yeah! Can you model clothes for my fall collection?" so I put them in corsets and skirts and we took to the woods, but they couldn't grasp the concept of posing. They kept trying to look sexy and moving around while I was trying to take pictures. I ended up wasting a whole roll of film on them, but I had to pretend I loved the blurry pictures so they wouldn't be offended.

A couple nights ago I dreamt that I was at a barbeque and there was this really tall tree there. It had a palm tree trunk and the top looked like a cottonwood. Suddenly I noticed that there was smoke coming from the middle of the top and I reached for my phone to call 911, but before I could, the leaves burst into flames and then the trunk caught fire and burned from the top down really fast like a ciggarette. Then the grass undeneath where the tree had been was glowing with coals and three guys came over with hoses with sprinkler attachments and put it out.

And last week I dreamt that the government instated this program that made everyone in the world showcase a talent they had. If your talent or the way you presented it wasn't impressive enough, you were killed. They said that there was only enough room in the world for people who were contributing to it. The thing was though, that the judges were old white guys and totally racist and homophobic and a million other bad ways and all the contestants knew it. So if you were gay, your talent presentation had better be REALLY good if you wanted to live. It was broadcast internationally as 'the ultimate reality show'. The only acts I remember were some acrobats and then Woody Allen got up there and just showed clips from his movies, saying that he didn't feel the need to expain himself.