BED IN

There are, Im sure it is agreed upon by all artists, phases of extreme productivity and phases of...not so much.

It's 1:55 pm and Im still in bed, so you can guess which one I'm in. 

I have a headache because I haven't had coffee yet. 

It's sunny out, a breeze is blowing, its spring. 

My first thoughts on this are "what the fuck is wrong with me?"

But I'm trying a little experiment. I was chatting with a friend last night (while in pretty much the same position Im in right now) and trying to work out my lack of motivation and getting down on myself and then getting down myself for being down on  myself....and I typed to him:

"I could seriously lay in bed all day if I let myself"

And he wrote back "I have." 

And it sparked a little thought process in me. What if I stopped kicking myself while I'm down?

What if I just relax and let the spring breeze carry me wherever it may? 

(A little update if you're confused: I last wrote that I had no free time to work on anything. That was a little over two weeks ago. At the end of March, my work schedule became almost non-existent and I have had more free time than I know what to do with. I did go on my little trek to the woods. And I did a couple of drawings, but only a couple. I don't have a scanner presently though, so they will remain unseen in my notebook for the time being. )

So far the spring breeze has carried me nowhere. So I'm having this little inner battle with myself right now. How long can I actually lay here before I can't stand it any longer, and I have to start my day? My headache is getting worse and now I'm getting hungry. 

I am trying to find the part of my brain that overrides the "but I don't feel like it" thoughts.

Did I miss the motivation gene? I've definitely had periods of high productivity in the past. What was I doing differently?

2:16

I think its possible for me to actually get to a point where I could fall back asleep. 

Then will I have failed? Or will I have won, because the flipside of this coin is to give myself a break and not beat myself up about relaxing. Though..relaxing isn't quite the right word for this. I feel very uncomfortable and kind of crazy.

I don't know. I can't really think straight anymore. I need some caffeine.

2:23

I cant take this anymore. I'm getting up.